It has been a long while since I've been able to objectively assess myself. What I have gone through over the last two years has left me being drowned by my emotions. But, it's not all about me, the last year has been difficult for everyone due to Covid19.
It is what it is.
Looking back, I can see my journey when my rheumatoid arthritis flared up, and my immediate reaction to the steroid injection. Still, I was optimistic that the treatment would work. I trusted my consultant and her team because I have worked in the NHS and know the system.
While my physical symptoms did improve, what I didn't notice was the decline in my mental state.
I'm pretty resilient about setbacks, but hadn't realised that my mood was being affected by the medication. Being a former nurse, I'm aware that when nurses become ill they somehow always seem to get the worse of it.
It's a medical trope of sorts.
Joked about amongst staff when someone becomes ill, because humour among medical professionals tends to be dark.
When my mood worsened, I went and saw my doctor. I probably scared the bejesus out of her when I told her what I was going through.
She wanted to refer me to mental health team, but I said there was no point, given that I had no intention to act on my negative thoughts and, perhaps arrogantly I stated why waste their time with me when they have others who don't have my knowledge to cope.
Even at my lowest, I still retained enough perspective to be objective about my distress. So yay me! So looking back on 2020. What a year!
I find it difficult to sort out what I managed to write, but it is easier to look at what I published.
In January 2020 I released book four in my World of Drei series, Mission Two. I also released the compilation of the first three World of Drei books, Year One: The Last War.
Writing wise I finished nothing, as I had nothing new to publish.
However, I started a short story about the lost robot team from Strike Dog, which currently stands at 1,346 words.
I'm fiddling with the draft of Two Moons current version stands at 22,885 words; a variable figure as I shuffle scenes between it and the next Tachikoma novel, Red Dogs that stands at 13,964 words. The shuffling of scenes is being driven by the difference between an action led story team, versus a mystery led story team.
Started an edit on the 69,664 words of my novel The Bureau, but it got put aside, lost from being overwhelmed by all the furore going on in the world.
Made notes and a rough draft outline for a set of wargame rules, currently running at 8,381 words.
Obviously, I wrote 32 pieces for this blog, and put up 43 model making and painting posts on my Paint it Pink blog. Can't tell you how many words because I seem to have lost the will to compile the word counts for 2019 and 2020.
Again, it is what it is.
The bright part of 2020, for definitions of bright where Terms & Conditions Apply, was pushing myself to do a bunch of online writing courses. To better the quality of my writing by acquiring the skills to improve characterization, my descriptions of setting, and understand how different genres drive the structure of a story.
This leaves me with the task of assimilating all this learning into my writing, which is a thing in and of itself. That's where I am now.
Hopefully, I will be able to move forward as the world around me improves.
